The meaning of Parabatai!
by EuphoricAssasin
Summary: Alec was a mystery to Magnus, there was no denying that. He wanted to know everything about the young Nephilim despite Alec pushing him away currently. So when those brilliant blue eyes looked into his, full of pain, he was captivated. Alec didn't share his feelings or thoughts often, and Magnus felt the weight of his trust as he listened to Alec explaining the Parabatai bond..


**_Well I have been petitioning Cassandra Clare to release Alec to me... No dice as of the moment! Until he is mine, I suppose I will keep writing disclaimers... Alright! A few notes! Comments appreciated as always, reviews help me write clearer and are encouraging! Also, I despise that Alec in Shadowhunters has brown eyes, to me Alec stands out to Magnus so much because he has stunning blue eyes that change with his mood, and he has a rare empathy most Shadowhunters don't have. If anything is OTC about the characters I apologize! I tried to keep them close to the book and the shows events! Thank you! Read, enjoy, REVIEW! (As of now, all my stories tend to just be one shots, when the muse hits I tend to grab my laptop and just type away. I would like to do an actual story once I am better with my writing!)_**

Could no one else understand him?

Was it that hard to comprehend?

His soul wasn't complete

Magnus was angry with him. Izzy seemed to think he was going off the deep end...admittedly with good reason. He had yelled at Magnus, anyone who knew Alec could attest to one basic truth, he didn't yell. Ever. At most he raised his voice a bit, or got stern.

No matter where he searched, who he talked to or what he did, he was still alone.

He was constantly in pain, his head hurt, and his soul felt lost.

He couldn't remember when he had slept last, and food threatened to make an uncomely return, so he had given up on trying to force it.

On his shoulder, as a painful reminder, was an equally painful Parabatai rune. Jace was missing, and it seemed no one realized it wasn't 'a crush' that was making him feel like he couldn't breath, It was much more. Jace was above all, his brother. Above the attraction, and the bond as Parabatai, he was the younger sibling Alec had basically adopted as a child himself. Sure, his parents had technically taken him in, and they loved Jace, Alec knew that.

But they hadn't been the ones to look into Golden eyes full of tears, they didn't look into childish eyes reflecting the pain of an adult. Jace wouldn't cry in front of anyone. Alec was the exception. He had taken the responsibility very seriously. When the nights were too dark, and the memories too bright, Alec would pretend to be sleeping when Jace crawled into his bed, wiping his eyes and sometimes his nose on Alec's comforter.

"Alec" a familiar voice interrupted his thoughts. Biting back a sigh Alec slowly turned and regarded Magnus with a tired look.

Magnus joined him on the balcony he was sitting on. Alec was resting on the railing with his back against one of the poles. Magnus walked to the other side and mirrored his position. For a moment Alec felt a rush of worry that the warlock would lose his balance, then internally mocked himself. So what if he fell? He had magic, he could just summon the worlds biggest pillow.

"You found me" He couldn't help the streak of exhaustion that filled him at the sight of his boyfriend... if he could even call him that. He wasn't sure what they were at this point, or what he even wanted them to be. It was a huge part of his worries, and he was too tired to contemplate their relationship at this time. He knew it was frustrating Magnus, but he couldn't help it.

"Magnus, I am sorry, I didn't mean to sound so curt, what's up? Any news, everything all right?" he tried to lighten his tone. There was no reason to cause anymore strife with Magnus, besides if wasn't as if he was the one Alec wanted to fight.

Magnus smiled at him, worry tinging his tone as he spoke "Define alright.. If by alright you mean my sexy.. sexy Shadowhunter is exhausted and hasn't ate in who knows how long, then I think I can attest to things being 'alright'. If it does indeed mean something different, then my dear, everything is sadly not alright" Magnus slowly walked closer to Alec while he spoke, as if approaching a wild animal.

Magnus was well aware didn't know Alec that well, the boy had only been in his life a few weeks after all, but he couldn't deny there was something vulnerable and captivating about him. Even though he was naturally quiet, and reserved, when it came to his siblings he was fierce. It was like, protecting them and taking care of others brought him to life. He didn't value himself the way Magnus wished he would, but then how could he? Isabelle had told him a bit about their childhood, and it had made him understand Alec a little better. His heart was softened towards the situation at hand, and he was able to better appreciate Alec's worries regarding Jace without jealousy eating at him.

In this matter Alec was a worried brother, and his soul was unsettled due to the Parabatai bond. Magnus couldn't lie, he despised the Parabatai rune. After being alive for such a long while now, in his time he had seem many Nephilim fall. His heart always broke a bit seeing the suffering a broken bond caused the surviving warrior. It was an ache that would never go away. Worry for Alec had shortened his temper, and sharpened his words recently and he wanted to make amends.

"I'm alright" Alec replied softly "It's more frustrating than anything. I know Izzy loves Jace like she loves me, and I know Clary is enamored.." His voice darkened, tinged with pain "But none of them feel what I do. It's wrong. It makes my chest hurt, it feels like my heart is being tugged at none stop. I can't sleep because my soul is constantly looking for its missing part. I can't feel Jace! I can feel that he is alive, only because the pain hasn't become overwhelming, and the rune is still strong..but maybe if I could at least feel his presence in this world it would be easier"

He turned to Magnus imploringly, his eyes dark and earnest. He had had long surpassed having bags, and the bottoms of his eyes were black with bruises. Magnus started a little when he noticed just how sharp his cheekbones stood out from his face, already prominent, his cheeks were now sinking in making them stand out.

"Have you ever attended a Parabatai ritual?" Alec's voice was soft, pained. He cut his eyes towards Magnus, and the Warlock shook his head meeting Alec's eyes. The young Shadowhunter smiled suddenly.

"It was Jace's idea you know, it was his way of saying he knew he couldn't do it alone in this world, that he wasn't better than me, and he needed me. No one else in my family did. My parents adored him, Izzy and Max adored him and looked up to him as the ideal warrior. I was just the big brother who bossed them around and made sure they were fed and at their lessons on time. Jace has always been a natural fighter, he taught me to how to fight better, he always made me get used to using surfaces as another weapon. A way to flip through the air, and avoid being caught. In his eyes I have always been the leader, and as such Izzy follows me as well, when they aren't both being headstrong idiots together" Here he laughed, his eyes taking on a faraway look. Silent, Magnus simply watched, enjoying this moment of openness Alec was allowing him to be a part of.

"The Parabatai ceremony is intense. You have to be a hundred percent sure you have chosen your partner correctly, and it must be decided while you are young. Once you are eighteen, you can no longer find a Parabatai. Jace and I were 12. I started training as a Shadowhunter when I was 8. Average Nephilim children start at 10. When the attack on Alicante hit I was 8 and hundreds were lost, out of necessity it was required all children old enough would start training. My father deemed me responsible enough, and started my training. My mother wasn't happy but she didn't say anything. That is probably why I have always tried to maintain order, and be the responsible one. It is my job"

Magnus was genuinely surprised, he knew they started training young, but even ten sounded too small.

"So, when they performed the ceremony, you and Jace had no doubts?" It was hard to imagine them both as small children, vowing a bond that would affect the rest of their lives.

"None. It was as natural as breathing training side by side, why not be Parabatai ? In life, we are only able to choose once, if they die, a part of our soul dies, and we can never find another one. Did you know it is actually not common for Shadowhunters to have one? " Alec shifted his position a bit and looked at Magnus questioningly.

" I did, I was close to a pair once upon a time" Magnus ended the sentence with a tone that made it clear he wasn't saying anything more on the subject, so Alec picked his story back up.

" Being fortunate enough to find someone worthy of becoming ones' Parabatai is considered a blessing. The ritual bond generally enhances the natural feelings of love and friendship that already exist between the pair; however, this doesn't prevent rivalry or hate from forming between them. That fact alone often scares Nephilim away from bonding...how painful would it be to hate a part of your own soul? No one knows why the Rune was created, but it is taboo to fall in love with your Parabatai. According to some, a love bond between them will strengthen their power to the point of magic, but because Shadowhunters aren't meant to wield magic, the power is also corruptive and dangerous. Apparently, the power would eventually drive them mad and they would surround themselves with death and destruction until they die " Alec laughed a little "Makes it ironic right? Since everyone assumes I am in love with Jace. I could be stripped of my marks and cast out if the wrong people thought it. That is why I am so careful Magnus" His voice had taken on an imploring tone.

"Anyways, the bond is hard to break outside of death, but it can happen. Say Jace became a downworlder, or decided to live in the mundane world, the bond would weaken and then shatter. You can feel it tugging at your chest, when it breaks, the pain is excruciating. Another way to destroy the actual rune is becoming a Silent Brother or an Iron sister, the runes of transformation are stronger and dissolve all other runes. The first Parabatai were Jonathen Shadowhunter and his friend David, out of love for one another they formed the rune and first bond, therefore writing it into our law" His voice tapered out as he sank into his own thoughts for a bit. Having spent a bit of time around him recently, Magnus was coming to understand Alec did this a lot, so he patiently waited for the boy to continue. He was interested, he knew a bit about the bonding, but he wasn't aware of the rules and technicalities. Apparently Alec had been the same as a child as he was now. Studying all the ins and outs to make sure it was safe for Jace. He felt a blossom of affection steal through his chest as he watched the blue eyed Nephilim thoughtfully. Looking up Alec noticed him watching him and smiled.

"Sorry I didn't mean to go on so much. You probably already know all this"

Magnus shook his head "No it was interesting, I wasn't aware of a lot of it, so the actual ceremony, I have never seen one. May I ask how yours was dear?" Alec blushed and ducked his head at the term of endearment but obliged Magnus's curiosity by answering.

" All ceremony's are the same, in the formal ceremony, held to bind the parabatai, there will be three rings of fire on the ground: two for the individuals, and a third one in the middle that will serve as the shared ring, seemingly symbolizing the union or joining of the pair as Parabatai. The words of the oath are spoken.." Alec's voice seemed to take on a reverent tone, and Magnus was captivated by the words.

 _"Entreat me not to leave thee,_

 _Or return from following after thee—_

 _For whither thou goest, I will go,_

 _And where thou lodgest, I will lodge._

 _Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God._

 _Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried._

 _The Angel do so to me, and more also,_

 _If aught but death part thee and me._

After that Parabatai runes are exchanged and placed on each other in the area chosen. Jace and I have ours on our shoulders, close to the heart.

The only difference between the ritual now and then, is they took each other's blood. I am not entirely sure what that means, and I have never been curious enough to find out" His voice held a note of laughter, and his blue eyes were shining despite the tiredness that reflected.

"Well after hearing all that, It is far easier to understand why you and Jace are so close. I can almost see the magic when you guys track together" Alec whipped his head around in shock at the sound of a distinctly familiar female voice.

Clary didn't even attempt to hide the fact that she had been eavesdropping and confidently held his gaze.

Alec found he was too tired to be truly angry and promptly gave up the glare he had been trying to aim her way. If her face said anything it had been a futile, unimpressive attempt anyways. He sighed, great, now he had turned into Mr caring and sharing to the two most emotional people he had met in the last month. Oh well, at least maybe now they would understand him a bit more.

"So as touching as all this has been, I didn't come here merely to eavesdrop on you two, I came here to tell you the Clave is calling a meeting. You two are needed inside" There was an amused lilt in her voice, and Magnus couldn't resist the laughter that bubbled out.

"After you biscuit" Tossing her long red curls, Clary turned to head back into the institute, Magnus rose to follow her. His mouth was still mirthful as he looked at Alec

"Well, you heard the short person darling, 'there is official Clave business we are required at' so come along you big softy" Without waiting for a response Magnus took off after Clary.

Wise decision Alec thought darkly, he suddenly felt more energized, maybe he could work up another glare for the two. With these thoughts in his head, and lighter shoulders, he stalked in after them ignoring the laughter that pealed back through the institutes halls.

End!

(I am terrible at endings!)


End file.
